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There are those people out there who just touch the world. Their sense of grace
and ability to captivate everyone they come in contact with defines them as truly
special. We cannot articulate exactly how these people affect the world around
us; we just know that they are inherently moving, extraordinary, and overall motivational.
Obviously, Fat Von D is one of these people.
A truly remarkable story in the tattoo world, Fat Von D has proven that she is not just a
pretty face. After achieving great success and fame from her portrait work at Trailer Ink Tattoo
off I-95 in Hollywood (Fla.), Fat found herself surrounded by the glitz, glamour, and drugs that
often accompany the high-profile celebrity lifestyle. After a long period of partying, hooking up
with rock stars, and “gracing” the cover of every tabloid magazine imaginable, Fat Von D
finally crashed.After a stint at the Wreden Rehabilitative Facility, Fat is out and clean as a whistle,
complete with a new perspective on life. We were lucky enough to have time to chat with
the Jaime Pressly of the tattoo world to discuss the life of Fat Von D.
First of all Fat, after the last time we talked, all of us over here at PRICK
got a little worried about you. We’d hate to see such a lovely lady as
yourself waste away, so we were all relived to hear that you finally
decided to get help. We all just care about you so much.
Thank you. I really appreciate the concern. I just finished up a thirty day in-patient program
at the Wreden Rehabilitative Facility in Granite City, Illinois. Now you may ask yourself
how did she end up in Illinois? Well To make it short, I was on a seven day bender of PCP. I
believe about five gallons, most definitely a felony, when one of my crew decided that we
should bungee jump the Arch in St Louis. I thought, “Not a bad idea.” I ended up fading out
with my pants around my ankles in the parking lot before we could do anything.When I
awoke at a truck stop in Ill., I decided it was enough and checked myself into Rehab.
I tried to contact Dr. Drew but I am just not that famous...
How have things been in Hollywood since the last time we spoke?
Has your highly profiled celebrity lifestyle made it difficult for you
to simply be yourself?
Difficult?! Kiss my grits! Hell no! My service at the Waffle House in Hollywood, Fla.
is amazing! When I walk in, there is no wait. I think they have a table especially
reserved for me. It is like I am the Cracker Queen of waffles. I
get requests all the time at the local swap meets for autographs
and pictures. I feel almost as famous as a NASCAR driver without
the corporate endorsements and the left turns.
We know some people have criticized you for
using your body and looks to gain more recognition
in the tattoo industry. How do you respond
to your critics?
You cannot question beauty. My critics are just fucking jealous.
Who would have thought that a cracker like myself would
ever be this beautiful? If it is going to excel my career, then so
be it. It took twenty-eight years of perseverance for God to
sculpt a masterpiece and if you got it, flaunt it!
How did you decide that you wanted to get into the tattoo industry?
Shit! I saw it on TV and figured if they could do it, so could I!
What is your favorite tattoo
that you have?
My sweet American Eagle is for my
pops, a very stern man who hated
communism. That or my Metal
Unicorn of Death just because a
Metal Unicorn of Death is just
metal! The rest is in progress.
What is your next tattoo going to be?
Possibly a portrait of Big Daddy Don Garlits, because he is the “King of Speed.” I am
definitely the type who lives by the “live fast, die young” philosophy, so I think it would
suit me. Nothing drives me more wild then listening to pure horsepower, the smell of
burnt rubber, and fried chicken.
What would you say sets Fat Von D apart from all the other smokin’
hot women tattoo artist out there?
Well, this is a really hard question...I am not a carpenter’s dream so that would not be
it.Hmmm...possibly the fact that every morning I wake up and piss excellence or it may
be that I have an overwhelming pheromone that pours out my flesh, attracting eighteen-year-
old women everywhere! I am going to go with the pissing excellence.
What’s next for Fat Von D?
Not drugs, I think I have had enough of
that. I am going to have to say some
sweet southern living, such as
garage sales, thrift stores, tattoo
parties, swap meets, Pabst Blue
Ribbon, and The Waffle House.
Also I have been offered a
management position at
Waffle House and I have
always been a career-minded
woman, so that may be
in the future. Just think,me
serving your food at The
Waffle House. At 4:00
a.m. the beer goggles are
on pretty thick so I may
get lucky. The possibilities
are endless.
Honestly this has been
a good ride and I just
want to say Happy
April Fools!
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